(8/12/1971 - 7/9/2008)
Well babe, you've left and at some point everyone will be going back to their lives; I may be stuck here for awhile. Thank God I found you again today. You always told me that I could run but I couldn't hide, that you would find me wherever I was. But the tables turned and I've been forced to find you. I told you when you were in the hospital that you couldn't get away from me, that I would follow. I have this one little thing to do it seems, maybe a couple, but you know I'm coming. Be patient. A thousand days is as a year, a year as a thousand days (2 Peter 3:8). You have always reminded me that I've been there for you. Maybe, but it seems it's been more the other way around. You gave me your heart, soul and body. With no conditions. I guess we've always been there for each other and that's how I want it always. Have you said hi to my parents?
It may seem arrogant, vain, wrong, demented even to add my last name to Belinda's. It exists on no official paper. So why do it? Rest assured that I have nothing to gain by doing it. I guess the short answer is because I can, it's my site. But, on another level, it's a way to give some legitimacy to our relationship of eight years. It turned out to be a very bad thing to be unmarried even in today's age. When we answered questions I had to be her fiance, or we had to be common-law, or 'significant other'; the rest of the time I guess I was her boyfriend or she was my girlfriend. I don't think I ever used that term. She was 'my lady' when I talked of her and she liked that. I once heard Tommy Smothers say, "Life is what happens while we make other plans" and that's pretty well how it happened. The thing is, we were both good at making plans, just not very good at following through and realizing them. She often told me that she would be honored and proud to be Belinda Karber and somehow I still didn't get it done. But we were married in God's eyes if you like to look at things in that light. So there will be one place in this world that gives credence to our union, one that was built on love that endured for the entire time that we were together. Belinda deserved that. And I think that I do too.
Note: I have thought it over and Belinda does not need my (or anyone else's) sneaky show of righteousness. She would not even need a last name to be justified... she is Belinda by any name, by any rose we mention. Belinda would sometimes rattle off a long string of names when asked: "My name is Carmen Belinda Felipa Gutierrez..." and I wish I could remember them all now. But all I remember is the important part. The photos available on the Images page just say "Belinda". And if you like I will put one up that adds the familial "Gutierrez". But on one unofficial document on one obscure web page she will carry my name. I hope you can forgive me for assuaging my pride (and pain) in this manner.